Johanna, Johanna

by Ian Taylor

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about

I put a lot of work and emotion into this album, it's one of my favorites.

credits

released November 17, 2014

All songs written by Ian Taylor.
That Ancient Eclipse and From The Distance In Between recorded in Tennessee Pour House in Westmoreland, Tennessee.

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Ian Taylor Nashville, Tennessee

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Track Name: Motionless
I've got to stop talking to myself
but I picture someone else
who will never be here.
So I lay, quiet, motionless
staring at my fan
going round and around again
like the thoughts inside my head.

And if I only had some company
then maybe I could get some sleep
and smile upon awakening.
But even still it's kill or be killed in this world made of glass.

The parades wade through the streets
I sit here with my drink
staring down at my feet
Wishing I was anyone else.
And when the sky turns dark
and the floats are torn apart
I'll stumble alone through the stars
and endless swirl of stray dog barks.

The moon is walking me home tonight
cause the bags beneath my sleepless eyes
are softly spoken tell-tale lies
that give everyone the wrong idea.

And what a drag it is
to simply exist
in the midst of all of this
Johanna, Johanna you are missed.
Track Name: The Soil of Eden
Gonna find some new friends
get real drunk and burn the pages of my old friends.
Stare through a mirror like a camera lens
cause I'm a light bulb always blinking
on and off and always shaking.
Kind of nervous, sort of broken.
Sad sad, sad sad, sad sad.

Cause I've been walking the same fucking circle
for as long as I can remember
it'll never change it'll only rearrange.

I stumble through streets blurred
trying to erase her like a pencil on paper
maybe if I press harder it just might work.
Cause I've been bleeding the soil of Eden
spread my wings and wipe away the finger prints
that touched my heart, heart heart, hard heart.

Cause I'm so fucking tired of screaming your name
and standing alone in this winter rain
waiting for a splendid change.
So I'll grab my things and move swiftly
upon my aching lonely feet
and find my home wherever that may be.

And like a friend, I can depend on you to vanish.
Track Name: Tonight
Iris, she's beside herself by the window where she paints her Hell
and I can see it well, tonight.
The weatherman beneath a kerosene lamp while his bible slips from his bleeding hands, he's returned to the land, tonight.
Rain smiles through green eyes and silhouettes of sunshine and moonlight, tonight.
The present stands naked like a stranger unexpected to show here, tonight.

And any weakness around here will you get you killed dear
so don't you cry at all.
And each time a phone rings I hope it's you calling me but each time I'm wrong.

Three men with a death wish in a field of pages are singing, tonight.
Everything is misery eventually, I just want to sleep but it will not pass, tonight.
You're a pinup girl, a peppermint swirl, a penciled ghost at the end of the world and I can feel it unfurl, tonight.
The serpent priest who's soaked in bleach with a cigarette between his teeth, he will not dream, tonight.

And the Queen of Neptune with her strep throat and cinnamon moon she lies now like leaves.
With the heart of an artist, it's tragic but touching with the soul of Annabel Lee.

She has no age, no restricting pain but a gypsy face and a lemming-like fate, tonight.
Maggie makes my mouth numb still, like a drug that kills like a void that needs to be filled, tonight.
Twisted and tangled on a living room couch, dancing in kitchens with words in my mouth that won't come out, tonight.
And while the streetlights blur I'm a passenger with a twisting mind full of thoughts of her and I will not be cured, tonight.

And that mundane fiend full of dopamine with skin like a magazine and hands like a thief, he aches.
My heart it hangs on a puppet string dependent on each move you make, full of empty space, it breaks.
Full of empty space it breaks.
Track Name: That Ancient Eclipse
I had a dream, a dream or two
before my coffee in the morning dew.
Light fills up my empty room
and everything leads back to you.
I choke on your ghost with every season
I call your name almost every evening.
What can I do? it's all so uneven
and everyone is disappearing.

And I'm fine, fine by a lie I guess.
I'll be alright if alright is death.
Wasting my time
chasing that ancient eclipse.

I saw your face beneath the sky in the fall
chasing the children on the sidewalk.
When the rain came down they all ran off
leaving just you and I walking along.
The leafless trees are like sculptures to me
painted and plastered on the skies I roam beneath.
Cause now I'm gone chasing my memory.
Is everything as lonely as it seems?

And I'm fine, fine by a lie I guess.
I'll be alright if alright is death.
Wasting my time
chasing that ancient eclipse.
Track Name: Insecure
You stood there with flowers in your stare.
I stuttered, feeling so scared.
Cause I don't exist outside my mind.
How scary it is, to live so benign.
Insecure, I've been here before.
But you don't know me well, no not like before.
Cause I've spent my time away from you all.
Losing my mind, inside these four walls.
And the sun it still shines, even in the dark.
And how can I explain without feeling so mundane?
I'm too ill to sleep, and too tired to stay awake.
None of you understand a thing.
None of you understand a thing.
None of you understand a thing.
Track Name: Goodnight Rain
Somewhere out there in a kitchen far away
there's a girl who's dreaming of sleeping all day.
She wanders down 5th and main searching for some cocaine
Destiny's child, I cannot explain. I wrote this for you
Goodnight Rain.
There's some nasty weather coming our way
she just smiles says "Darling we're safe."
She knows it all, can't be wrong, with a face like my favorite song.
I tell her I love her she just laughs it off
Says "That's silly baby, you don't know me at all."
"You don't know me at all."

Will I be alone when I wake up?
Cause a dream like you is too much to hold.
So in case I don't see you anymore
I just wanna say
Goodnight Rain.

She's calming and honest like oblivion, like opium.
She's divine sent, magnificent, like a poem, like a garden.
She handles pain like abstract paint, peaceful like Novocaine.
A symphony of mystery flowing through my veins.
A sweet relief of harmonies in the bones of her face.
There's some nasty weather coming our way
she just smiles says "Darling we're safe."
She knows it all, can't be wrong, with a face like my favorite song.
I tell her I love her she just laughs it off
Says "That's silly baby, you don't know me at all."

Will I be alone when I wake up?
Cause a dream like you is too much to hold.
So in case I don't see you anymore
I just wanna say
Goodnight Rain.
Track Name: Mr. Taylor
Now I eat all my food with a small plastic spoon
I've got a square to see the sun in and a circle to discuss my moods.
They've got a morgue if I get bored
they give me pills to keep me self assured
but they take away my shoe laces just to be sure
and at night they always lock my door.

So I scream "Make tea, not love."
So I cry "This city will burn."
And I tried to carve the nightmares out of my skin
with a pencil sharpener.
And I tried and I tried and I tried
but it just wasn't enough
for him or for him or for her.

There's the man with the crisis, a personality split
and I hear that I'm just like him but I never saw it.
And I can't write something down without a safe enough pen
and every few hours they come to look at my wrists.
I've been wearing this gown for a few weeks straight
at least I think anyway, it's hard to tell apart the days.
And when I look in the mirror I never know what to say
cause I can never really tell if it's me or a friend that I made.

And the nurses say "Look at us, not them."
and "The first step is trust, how are you feeling?"
and "Come on Mr. Taylor just open up a bit, I promise we don't bite."
yea "how's that family back home and your closest of friends? Does that girl still haunt you inside? And how are you sleeping at night?"

Then I laugh and laugh, while they all look concerned.
So they up my dosage with permission from the doctors
and they take me back to my room where I hide under the covers
from anything that I think may frighten or bother me.
Track Name: From The Distance In Between
She said "How have you been my lonely friend?
Are you still living life the same?
Do you still cry at night when there's no words to be said?
And sleep doesn't know your name."

"And what would you do if you had someone
if you never had to dream?
And where would you go with no empty time
would you feel so free?
Or locked and chained to misery.
Things they aren't as bad as they seem."

well she kissed me quick up against that fence
before my drummer came to see.
She said she had to go, that her ride was out front
and it was nice to see me.

And I'll always remember when she went away
and the feeling still remained.
And I thought I needed to find new friends
maybe some who could relate
to that life I had escaped.
To that life I had escaped.

So now I wander from place to place
with this broken heart in my chest.
And I find myself amongst the strangest of faces
in hopes that I will forget.

But that's not what I really want now is it?
She's the greatest friend I have known.
But a man once told me to find happiness
and with joy comes letting go
to what you love the most.
to what haunts you the most.

So now I say "How have you been my busy friend?
Are you still giving good advice?
Do you still wander around those ancient school grounds
looking for that bus you ride?"

And I miss you, do you miss me?
My sweet poet's dream.
And I can't wait to see
the fine woman you'll grow to be.
And I'll love you from the distance in between.
Yes I'll love you from the distance in between.
Track Name: Honesty (Parts I & II)
Part I
I, I felt your pain inside.
It's bound to get lonely somewhere.
It's bound to get hateful here.
I was quiet on my side.
With no idea what to say
Nowhere to escape.

Everybody knows I've got a mouth like suicide.
Everyday it shows, I've got no one by my side.

You feast your eyes on those words.
The flowers grow through your ribs.
I see it all too clear.
And you don't feel bad when I hurt.
From all the times you've burned
Everything I've earned.

I'm so fucking sick of being ignored.
You're a disappearing act, I've seen it before.

Part II
I listened to your stories, yes everything you had
but it all got kind of silly, childish and sad
so I hung up the phone and I walked to the store
and I spoke to the man who was sitting on the corner

He said "The day you love is the day you turn dumb son.
Yea don't trust a soul and take what you can from everyone."

So I never spoke again and I stitched up my mouth
and I lived with my pain, I've been trying to forget about.
But winter it came, suddenly and loud
and reminded me again all those years I tried to drown

Every single night in a bathtub.
Holding my breath until I finally just gave up.

So I sat and I cried until I felt empty inside
and I banged out these chords and the anger I try to hide
for the people who've abandoned me and the people who've lied
they said they'd be there when shit got scary
yea they'd be my side.

But I look now and I see no one
Just a blank gray wall and my book full of poems.

And I'm gonna find an artist, yea a girl who can paint
she's gonna make me pretty with every color in my face
she's gonna make a portrait of all I wanted to be
so when I leave her lonely it's all that she'll see.

And it's all she'll remember me by
instead of this sadness that I fight
cause like the ghost that I am, I vanish in the night.
Track Name: Johanna, Johanna
Don't you dare come to me and say
you love me at my grave.
Cause that's all that I needed to stay.
You wear echoed white in the next room
and the boys, yes the boys well they all sing along to your tunes.
But they don't know, no they don't have a clue.

And I'm not quite sure what to do to make this real
Cause inside myself I don't feel too real
And I know that you say, yes I know that you say you'll be there
But I just don't believe that you will.
No I just don't believe that you will.

But maybe that's just my paranoia
talking and singing and getting the best of me.
Cause our futures well they can't be seen
and it's all predetermined the course of our destiny.
And Johanna, Johanna she came and she went
and she stared at me slowly until it all started making sense
and she took another hit and she blinked and she blinked
and she laughed and smiled and she drifted into oblivion.

I'll change my name until I can't recognize my face
I'll clench at my insides while they're throbbing in pain
I'll whisper so quietly "Johanna, Johanna please stay."
But I already know, yes that you will go away.
I'll change my name until I can't recognize my face
I'll clench to my insides as they're throbbing in pain
I'll whisper so quietly "Johanna, Johanna please stay."
But I already know that you will go away.
And I already know that you will go away.
Track Name: Everything's Fine
So while you dance with all the boys
I sit and sing with the same old voice
I've had for a while now
I've had for a while now.
I don't want a father figure, not another broken mirror.
The day is dead, the sun went to bed.
And the moon is coming out to say hello now.
I cry and weep for my lack of sleep
and that girl who just comes and leaves when she pleases.
The children play in the next room
I quietly listen in and reminisce to the times I miss.
When everything was simple and everyone was pure
at least to me, I was too blind to see.
But now I'm old and useless and it's all cold and confusing
and I don't want to breathe but I'm shivering.
And I can't quite make it out, the words scribbled on the wall.
I'm just looking for some truth cause I've been abused
and I didn't want you to know.
I didn't want you to know.
No I didn't want you to know.
I didn't want you to know.
So now you'll ask if I'm alright
and I will lie and say "Everything's fine."
Everything's fine.